


Mirrored Waters

by WolvesOfParadise



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Armin Arlert - Freeform, Death, Eremin - Freeform, Eren Yeager - Freeform, How Do I Tag, M/M, idk man but this is pretty depressing, its basically all about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 13:34:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9443084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolvesOfParadise/pseuds/WolvesOfParadise
Summary: A mirrored image, crystal clear, not in one bit distorted.Yet, the mirror is dirty, and a little foggy, but you can still see them.There's the one with love in his ocean blue eyes, the exact ocean that he would give anything to see, and beautiful blonde hair, the color of the sun at noon.The other has brown hair, the color of a murky river bottom, and turquoise eyes, the color that the blonde replaces for hope in his mind.Though they are completely different in body, they are the same in mind, heart, and spirit, each searching for a different but pure ending with the other. They vow to protect each other, but neither of them control fate, so it is out of their hands.





	

He knew it was bound to happen- he had known since the very moment he had laid eyes on his best friend back in that town. He had known since he come aware that they were nothing but fucking cattle stuck and enslaved in this stone cage, waiting to be butchered.  
  
Armin had told him- 'your death is my death. I cannot and will not live my life or the remainder of my life without you by my side. I don't want you by me and supporting me spiritually, I want you here physically. I want to be able to hold your hand, and walk beside each other into the hell that we are going to endure.'  
  
They were just two lost souls, and death was something they thought of every day. Yes, Armin had flat out told Eren that he didn't want to be alone, but, in the gist of it all...it wasn't up to him. He didn't run fate, he could only do what he could to avoid it.  
  
.  
  
The sun had been showing brightly on the first day that the blonde had ever brought it up. They had been working, content with no words being spoken, just the soft swish of the brooms touching the wooden floors.  
  
"Do you ever think about dying, Eren?"   
  
The words were spoken casually, oh so casually, and for a second, Eren hadn't understood exactly what had just been said. He racked his brain for an answer- as he didn't want to worry his friend about what _actually_ went on in his head. So, he figured, the only logical response would be to make a joke out of what he was going to answer.  
  
"Well, for pete's sake Armin, we are a part of the Scouting Regiment. Death is something we all think of. It would be weird if we didn't think about it."  
  
The broom swishing stopped. Movement ceased.   
  
"I was being serious, Eren. Have you ever actually given thought about it? I want to know for, uh, research reasons."  
  
Research reasons? Eren stilled his brush movements as he had begun them again as he gave his answer, but this time he was curious. What was Armin thinking?  
  
Before Eren could open his mouth to respond, Armin was speaking again. "Well, I mean, even though we are in the Scout Regiment and all...Well, I guess what I mean is have you ever thought about _how_  you're going to die? Not just _that_  you're going to die." At this point, he was rambling, and he seemed to realize it too, as he slowly trailed off.  
  
Eren had turned to look at Armin by this point, and his hands unconsciously gripped the broom handle a bit tighter, making his tan skin around his knuckles go pale. The silence was slightly unnerving, and the brunette couldn't help but break the quiet.  
  
"All I know, Armin, is that when I die, I don't want to go out slowly. I don't want that kind of death, I don't want a big, attention getting death. I want to die fast and without pain." He paused for a second, trying to figure out how to phrase what he wanted to say. "I don't want to be mourned. I don't want to be missed either. When I die, I want to die and let that be it. And I don't want to be eaten by a titan."  
  
Armin was silent for the moments that he pondered that answer. He wanted to add to it what he wanted when he would inevitably die, but for now he just decided to go along with Eren's answer.  
  
And in all honesty? He felt the same way. He didn't want to be eaten by a titan, and he most damn well certainly didn't want to die alone, either. He also didn't really want to add his thoughts because he was feeling a bit self-conscious about the other things he would want to say, so he just plain kept his mouth shut.  
  
The smile that Eren received as response to his long answer for Armin's unusual question was a rather convincing one, and Eren smiled back. However, though, as he went to turn his back and continue the task that they were doing before they got caught up in talking about death, he saw the corners of Armin's pretty mouth shake slightly.  
  
He knew from that moment that something about death either intrigued Armin, or utterly fucking terrified him. Even though his instincts told Eren that he should be looking at the latter, he still couldn't help but ponder his first thought. Could Armin know something?   
  
Or was he just curious about death in general?  
  
Either option scared Eren, because no matter how close he was to his friend, he still didn't know what the blonde was thinking one hundred percent of the time.  
  
Eren turned again, slowly this time, as to not make Armin suspicious about anything at all. The green eyed titan shifter studied Armin's movements for a few moments, such as how he was holding the broom, how hard he was gripping said broom, and how he was moving.  
  
Armin's moments were...rather stiff. And his forearms, the muscles in them, were tightened. Not like he was flexing them, just like he was gripping the broom handle tightly. His breathing was even, however, and his eyes were clear of any tears or something along that lines. Though, as Eren noticed, they did have a slightly far away glaze to them, like he wasn't really there at that moment with Eren. Like he was there physically, but not mentally.   
  
Eren, still holding his broom, reached out and set his warm, dry hand over Armin's on his broom. Armin's hands were an exact opposite of Eren's, instead of being warm and dry, the blonde's were slightly chilled and clammy.  
  
Armin looked up at Eren- there was still that height difference that they had had since they were kids there- and gave a small, genuine smile. Eren looked into his blonge's eyes, and relaxed. Whatever had been bothering his friend was gone- at least for now.   
  
He decided that he would deal with it if it came up again. But for now, though, they had better start working again.   
  
.  
  
There were many, many other times that conversations like these popped up between the the two close friends. It even came to Eren's attention that whenever Armin brought up one of these conversations, or asked a random and seemingly innocent question about death, that nobody else was there.   
  
They could be in the field, or doing work around the castle. Usually, though, when Armin brought it up, they were lying on Eren's bunk, facing each other, content with just listening to the other breathe.  
  
Despite how close they had been when they were kids, they had grown even closer now. You could very seldom find one separated from the other, and they had even begun to sleep in each other's beds. It didn't matter which bed they slept in, it only mattered that they were there with each other.  
  
The one time when Eren finally got a glimpse of what Armin was thinking, and what he was trying to accomplish when he asked all of those questions about death, they were doing just that. Lying in Armin's bunk, facing each other.   
  
Eren had his fingers slowly trailing down the side of Armin's cheek and jaw, and the blonde was looking at him with bright blue eyes- but he seemed to be thinking. About what, Eren wasn't sure, but it had to be something important.  
  
Of course, by now, however, Eren one hundred percent knew that whenever they were alone and all peaceful like they were at that moment, Armin would bring up the subject of death. He still wasn't sure why the topic was always brought up, but every time it was, Armin was always asking for Eren's opinion on it. How he wanted to die. If he wanted a burial or a funeral.  
  
This time, it was no different. The light shining through they window reflected off of Armin's blue eyes making them shine a deep blue. A blue just the ocean that he longed to see.  
  
His hair, too, shone brightly. It was usually the color of straw, but definitely didn't feel like that sort of plant. Instead of being hard and coarse it was soft and silky, and that was why Eren ran his hands through it all the time, making sure to get out every small tangle or rough patch. And his hair in this sunlight? It looked like the walls themselves had blessed it.  
  
"Hey, Eren?"  
  
Eren mentally prepared himself- he knew what was coming, but he still didn't want to have another conversation about death. His death, Armin's death, Mikasa's death, it didn't really matter. He didn't want to talk about it.  
  
But who was he to deny a conversation with the person that he loved and appreciated more than anything? He couldn't just say "no" to Armin if he brought it up. For all he knew, it could be his way of coping. God knows that each person has their own ways of coping, no matter how unusual they may be.   
  
"Yes, Armin?"  
  
Armin stilled for a moment, and his breathing hesitated slightly. Eren had learned by now that whenever he did this, he was going to say something slightly risky. Well, maybe not risky, no, but something that Armin was worried about either saying, or about what Eren's response would be.  
  
"What would you do if I died," the blonde mumbled, and then picked his voice up slightly. "I-I mean, would you mourn me? Would you miss me? Well, obviously you would miss me, but what I mean is...well, I mean, I don't know what I'm asking but-"  
  
Eren just looked at him with an amused expression written on his face. Armin was rambling again. He tended to do that sometimes, when something was bothering him, and Eren had been paying attention. Something seemed to be bothering Armin a lot recently, but he couldn't quite deduce what it was. He didn't necessarily know how to ask, either, so he was more or less forced to wait until Armin came to him with whatever was wrong.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Armin, trust me, I wouldn't let you die, I'd make them kill me before they got to you. Trust me, sweetheart. I won't let that happen."   
  
In response, Armin broke eye contact, and nodded slightly. This was unusual of him, Eren noted, he usually didn't act like this.   
  
In reality, however, Armin looked away from Eren because he felt guilty. He felt that he didn't deserve to look into Eren's eyes, because they seemed so pure, so full of the hopes and dreams that Armin had thought of as a child. Those dreams were the ones he had kept since he was small, no more than six or seven years of age, and the exact same ones that he had lost the day that the wall fell. They had slipped out is his grasp that day, and it hadn't even occurred to him until he was standing in the lines in the dirt field, watching other cadets get screamed at.  
  
"Eren, stay with me. While I sleep," Armin murmured quietly, reaching out lazily with a hand. He regretted his inability to actually converse with Eren about what was on his mind, and felt a pang of guilt, as well as his usual mixed feelings. He rested his hand flat on Eren's chest, curling his fingers contently at the warmth coming through the brunette's thin shirt. Eren didn't necessarily feel the need to give Armin a response- but, alas, the other didn't feel a need for a verbal one anyways. The way that Eren physically relaxed against him, and the slowing and deepening of his breaths told the tale for him instead.  
  
That's how they fell asleep, too. As close as they could get without seeming like two in a relationship; with each breath they inhaled the other's scent. Eren's hand was still settled on the side of Armin's delicate face, resting lightly in the small dip of cheek between his jaw and his cheekbone directly under his eye.  
  
And they slept like that. Content with each other.  
  
.  
  
Days passed after that. Months, too. Many things happened. They fought the female Titan. The fixed the outer wall. And yet...Eren and Armin were still steadily growing closer and closer. In fact, a joke spread among the other members of the Scouting Regiment that if Eren and Armin were to get any closer, they would have to meld into one being.   
  
And, it all started out with the hands. Surprisingly, though one may think exactly the opposite, Armin wasn't the clingy one. Sure, he might have his moments where he doesn't want to be separated from Eren, but, the truth was that Eren was the clingy one. And Eren was the one that reacher for Armin's hand first.  
  
It was like an impulse that he did it. Eren was nervous, he was bouncing his leg under the table, and he almost NEVER did that. His hands were gripping the fabric of his trousers on his thighs, releasing them, and gripping them again, and a beads of sweat began to prickle on his forehead. At this point, he couldn't even remember what had been happening, why he was so nervous, but the second he saw Armin's hand resting against his own thigh, peacefully, was the second he gave up whatever sense of calm he had left.   
  
He had slowly snaked his own hand over and gripped the blonde's hand in his own, intertwining their fingers together tightly. Armin hadn't even flinched. Instead, he had begun running his thumb over the back of Eren's hand nonchalantly, like he had been doing it every day.   
  
And this time, though, it started with Jean. Jean, again, was being a rather big asshole.  
  
"You guys know, right, that eventually one of you are going to die," Jean had said, as he watched Armin and Eren share a gentle, intimate moment together. They had been sitting outside like they usually did, with Armin leaning his head up against Eren's shoulder. "One of you is going to die, be eaten by a titan, maybe, and then the other is going to be alone. How do you think that would be?"  
  
Eren just turned and looked him dead in the eye.   
  
"The day that I die, is the day that I throw myself out in front of a titan to save Armin. It's written in my soul that it's my will to love or not, and I chose Armin to be the one to stand and fall with." Eren relented, nodding his head towards Jean. "We build up these walls just to pull them down, but I'm not going to be the one to pull Armin down after the world built him up as he is. I'll die before I do that."  
  
Jean, who obviously had a good idea for once in his life, had shut his mouth after hearing that. He didn't realize that someone could be so.... /devoted/ to someone like Eren was to Armin. And, though, he didn't doubt one bit that Eren would readily die for Armin.   
  
Armin had been silent throughout that little spat, as he tended to be whenever Eren and Jean had a small disagreement. He only stepped in whenever the two rivals raised their voices, or physically threatened each other. This time, though, he gently tugged on Eren's shirt, and when he looked down at Armin, Armin pulled himself up with an unusual amount of effort, and gently placed a kiss on the side of Eren's cheek.  
  
.  
  
"Would you really die for me, Eren?"  
  
The question was announced so suddenly, that it took Eren off guard. He sat up from his lying down position on the bed that the two of them share, and looked at Armin, who was sitting directly in front of the window.  
  
The moonlight reflected off of his hair, turning it a soft, iridescent solved instead of the bright gold that it usually was. His eyes were shielded from Eren's view, however, and the brunette swung his legs over the side of the bed, making his way to Armin. The floorboards creaked beneath him, but he couldn't care less. Armin was apparently confused and full of unrequited thoughts, and seemed to need him, and that's all he cared about.   
  
It was months after Armin had placed that first, gentle kiss on Eren's cheek. Their relationship, if you could even call it just a simple 'relationship' at that point, had blossomed. There had been many kisses shared since that first one, but they had not gone any further. It was Armin who didn't want to do anything else, not Eren. Armin just...wasn't interested in that type of intimacy, that type of relationship. He didn't want sex, and he definitely didn't want to have a _sexual_  relationship with his best friend, boyfriend, and more importantly, what he felt as his soulmate.  
  
And Eren was completely okay with that. If Armin didn't want sexual relations, neither did Eren. It didn't matter to him, as long as he could hold the blonde in his arms and love him.  
  
With a soft chuckle Eren wrapped his slightly gangly arms around Armin's shoulders, bringing the conflicted male to his chest. He settled his own chin on the soft, silky hair at the very top of Armin's head and inhaled slightly. He still couldn't get over the unusual yet amazingly attractive scent that Armin gave off, and he wanted to enjoy it as much as possible before he would either lose Armin or Armin would inevitably lose him.  
  
"Of course, Armin, I would die for you. How many times do I have to repeat that before you will understand?" He stopped himself from saying more, it now occurring to him that maybe his words had come off as a bit clipped and brash, and he relented. "What I mean is, when the time comes, I will be the one to die. Not you. I don't want to live in a universe that does not contain you, my love, so why would I let you die?"  
  
Armin huffed slightly, and Eren could tell that he still wasn't completely convinced by the brunette's sincere words. So, with a quick thought about it, he tried a different approach to the conversation.  
  
"Do you see the sky up there? And those clouds that you wouldn't normally be able to see unless the moon is out and shining brightly?"  
  
"Yes, Eren, I do. What does that have to do with what we're talking about?" Armin said, tilting his head upwards slightly so he could gaze at the underside of Eren's jaw and chin.   
  
"You're the moon, and I'm the sky. You're bright, beautiful, and you inspire so many people to become bright and great, just like the moon and the stars. I'm the sky that holds everything together, I'm the one who protects you and everyone else. And, much like the moon and the sky and their relationship, I will vanish before I let you fall, my friend." Eren spoke gently and quietly, the words coming out of his mouth surprising the both of them. Eren wasn't sure that his analogy would make any sense when he first began spelling it out for the blonde, but when he finished...He was impressed with himself.   
  
"I, uh..." Armin attempted, his mind too full of the emotions that Eren's miniature speech had hit him like a fucking brick with. He was stunned- did he really mean that much to someone?   
  
"I...I would do the same for you, Eren," Armin finally managed, his voice shaking slightly. His voice, eyes, and speech were what normally gave him away when he was saying something that was emotionally troubling him. His body language usually never gave him away, on a different note, his hands were usually calm and cool, and Armin never flushed unless Eren said some particular statement that drove humiliation and embarrassment into him.  
  
This was one of those moments, too, where Eren's words has impacted him profusely, his body language AND voice/speech giving him away to the brunette.  
  
"Thank you, Eren. Thank you for making me believe again."   
  
And Eren had, too. Armin's dreams had been shattered the day that that fucking titan broke down the wall and ruined their life. They had been crushed and shattered just like the thousands of people the Titans broke and killed, and he had thought that there was nothing that he, being as weak as his body was, could do to get them back.   
  
Armin had been stuck in a flat, uninspired, shade of gray that felt like it was going to be that way for the remainder of his days.   
  
Eren had taught him otherwise.  
  
He had taught him that there was more to what met the eye, there was more than just living his life day-to-day. There were those small, memorable moments that could never be replaced or redone, and Armin thanked the gods every day that he had met the man who taught him this. He had taught him that just because everything was awful now, that it didn't have to be in the future. Things could change as easily as the titans broke down the once seemingly sturdy walls that everyone believed would fucking protect them no matter what.  
  
And they did change, too. They changed for the better.   
  
"If I am to die saving you, I am going to be missing one hell of a journey. I'm going to miss those memorable moments that I once stated were irreplaceable, I'm going to miss making memories with you, Armin. But just know that I'm going to have you go through that journey for me. I'm going to have you travel, make those memories, so that one day, when we meet again, you can share them with me."  
  
Armin leaned back further into Eren's arms and inhaled, closing his eyes to the bright moonlight that shone off his unblemished face, so pristine and perfect. The building was quiet, as was the room that they were in. The wind didn't even blow outside, and the only sounds that could be heard were the even, rhythmic breaths of the two lovers.  
  
That's how they stayed, too. Bathed in the lunar light of the moon that seemed to apply some sort of kind of feeble protection and security from the death and blood that laid outside the walls.  
  
The peace- it wouldn't last, against what they oh so desperately wished. And both of them seemed to know this as they gripped each other tighter in the night.  
  
.  
  
And, inevitably, it happened.  
  
.  
  
"Eren I don't want to die."  
  
"You aren't going to die," Eren reassured, ever bit of self control he had in him forcing those five words to stay calm and even. But, Eren could feel his control slipping, just like the warm, slick fluid leaking through the hands that he had once held the blonde's in, what seemed like eons ago. He was pressing his tanned hands so hard against Armin's chest that he was sure that the blonde couldn't breathe- but that's not why he couldn't breathe.   
  
He couldn't breathe because the overwhelming sense of "oh my fucking god I'm going to die" was settling in on him like the sun settled in on the horizon in early morning. Slowly, slowly, then fuck, it's there, and you're running out of time.  
  
And that's exactly what was happening to Armin. He /knew/ he was dying, _knew_  he was running out of the precious moments that Eren had once told him to preserve.  Because, in Eren's delicate words one late night when Armin was venting about being scared of the inevitable- dying, of course- he had told his best friend, his soulmate, _this song is ending, but the story never ends_.  
  
He reached up, a pale and shaking hand compared to the calmness of his battered and bruised body, and touched the side of Eren's face, wiping away at the tears gathered there. His thumb traced the black circles under the brunette's eyes, and realized for the first and final time how much Eren had actually given up to protect him.   
  
"Eren, I'm sorry." Armin said, his voice, so normally hesitant and soft now hard and steady. "I'm sorry."  
  
Eren shook his head, his much too long bangs soaked with sweat and blood swinging with his head movements. He pressed his hands down on Armin's chest once more, but alas the smart Titan shifter was too far gone for the pain to even register in his rapidly fading consciousness.   
  
"No, don't you dare say that, don't you dare leave me like this. I'm not ready- I _NEED_  you, Armin, I-" He was cut off by Armin's chest heaving slightly, and a new torrent of fresh, black tinted blood rushes through his fingers, soaking the grass underneath Armin's small body even more than it already was. The coppery smell in the air was terrifying, and Eren was fucking scared.  
  
No, he was terrified.   
  
The mission that they had been on failed. Their troops had been devastated. The largest amount of titans that anyone had ever seen, let alone ever imagined before, had showed up at exactly the wrong time in the fields where they couldn't protect themselves.  
  
And Eren and Armin had been separated during it.   
  
The ranks had fought bravely, and Eren had watched as people he had known for YEARS were crushed and killed by titans who were ruthless. Eren didn't have time to mourn, yet at one point you could hear a scream with a sob tinged onto the end of it ring out above the sounds of a typical fight between the humans and the titans.  
  
_"Jean. JEAN._ JEAN _, YOU_ FUCKER _. DONT FUCKING DO THIS TO US. WAKE UP."_  
  


And now here they were.    
  
They were fucked over. Whatever titans that were not killed had run off, seemingly satisfied with the destruction that they had released upon the Scout Regiment.   
  
As the survivors began to pick themselves up, to find loved ones and other cadets, and to gather their gear in preparation for a retreat before the beasts of pure hell could return and finish them off, nobody bothered Eren and Armin. They could clearly see what was happening, and they chose to do the good thing, and keep their distance.   
  
"Eren." Armin said, his voice so lucid and clear compared to the rattling and stuttering of Eren's own voice but  _ fuck _ , here he was, cradling the love of his life and his best friend in his arms when HE should have been the one dying. HE should have been the one on the ground, staring up at the beautiful face and the soft blonde hair that he knew all too well.    
  
But no. He wasn't. He had failed- broken the one promise to Armin that he vowed he would keep no matter what.   
  
"We're a mirrored image, Eren. We might be different in appearance, but god knows that we're the same in mind and heart." Armin whispered, and he dropped his hand from Eren's face, which is by now tear streaked. Every tear that tracks down his cheeks is making a straight line through the dirt and blood that were caked over his normally tan and even face.    
  
Armin's hand began trembling; his limbs were giving out on him. He reached up towards the sky, towards the exact same fucking sky that Eren said he once was. He reached towards the sky that would take him when he finally went under, and he curled his fingers slightly into the bright sunlight that beamed down on the dying man and his only love.   
  
His arm fell.   
  
Armin Arlert's eyes grew dull and unfocused, and then ceased altogether. There was no light remaining in them, no hint of the person that his love once knew as the man who never failed to make him laugh or smile. His chest under Eren's hand stopped moving, but the blood kept flowing, only it wasn't being forced out with each heartbeat- it was flowing out smoothly.   
  
Eren keened.    
  
.   
  
Years passed.    
  
Was it five years, or a decade? Eren couldn't even remember anymore. He had forgiven himself a long time ago about what he had done to the one person he promised to protect, but time still passed in a blur. He was standing by the ocean, the one place that truly reflected Armin's eyes. The ocean was the one thing that reflected exactly who Armin had been as a person. It was also the one place that Armin wanted to see. He never got the chance.   
  
Eren lifted his head, closing his eyes at the heat of the sunlight and the soft breeze in the air. He could taste the salt on his tongue, and he smiled softly. It wasn't usually like Eren to have a few minutes to himself, especially standing by the ocean like he was, and he decided to enjoy it while it lasted.    
  
He raised his hand to the ocean, fingers splayed and stretched out towards the water, which reflected the color of Armin's eyes so much that it made Eren's own eyes sting.   
  
His smile faded softly but was still there nonetheless. He dropped his hand to his side, and spoke quickly and quietly. He sometimes came out to the ocean when he was alone and feeling down, and whenever he did...he swore that he could feel Armin's presence with him. So he talked. He spoke to air, with the small, feeble hope of 'hey, maybe Armin is actually here. Maybe he can actually hear me.'   
  
Today was no exception to that.   
  
As the overwhelming feeling that he wasn't alone began to cover the brunette, he looked around. Eren then found a nice, somewhat clean rock and sat himself down on it, stretched his back, and cleared his throat.     
  
He had so much he wanted to say to his love.   
  


**Author's Note:**

> Written because of animentality on tumblr. He highkey inspired me to write this whole thing, and I swear, I've been working on it for maybe two weeks. I hope it's good enough.
> 
> (Shameless self advertisement: go follow my tumblr, aurielity!!!!)
> 
> Special thanks to Thy and Ahris who helped me keep enough energy and inspiration up to complete this.


End file.
